Why is it when I turn 54, I suddenly can’t remember anything, can’t see why I am unable to get motivated enough to get on the treadmill, and I am binge watching Netflix? But I did vacuum the house, did the laundry, and got the dishes done. I sit here contemplating what I want to say today and if I can remember it by the time I am done. I have taken a deep breath looked inside myself, metaphorically course, to figure out why I am more alone than I ever thought I would be in such a big house basically alone. I have my son of course who seems to still be a teen even though he is now 20 up in his room on his x-box and my daughter out with her baby boys on a day trip.
I am pondering why I have put myself here. Well, I think it is a combination of depression that comes and goes in waves, having lived a life of out of sight out of mind, or the reality that I am possibly as lazy as my kids. Seriously that is lazy, as lazy goes.
I need to take my own advice and think things through and get the energy to get back into the life of my old self. A friend of mine explain that she read somewhere that when a situation happens in your life that doesn’t make you happy, you should ask yourself what part of this situation you played a part in. It stuck with her and it surely stuck with me. Taking everything into account, lazy, alone, a chunky monkey, and not happy with this situation I have asked and realized I need to reconnect with friends, be open to see more in life, continue on this path we call blogging, writing on my pages for mental and physical wellness.
I remember when I was in Germany, I was always curious about what things were I believe we lose this as we grow older, not because our body removes it, but because we let life hang on us. I am going to take this 54-year-old body and mind and put myself back to my child mindset and become curious again. Become reconnected to people and things I like and care about. The other think I want to do is take myself back to the doctor and start to turn some of the clock back.
Wish me luck, until next time.