Have you ever looked at someone and not understand what they don’t get about being tired? Shoot is it my medication, is it the fact that the kids are wanting something every other minute, or is it something more? Well, depression takes a hold of me and I start to spiral down. Taking on tasks and then leaving them half done. Asking me such a simple question makes me psychoanalyze myself until I think I have lost my mind. I become angry at myself and angry at those who point it out to me. What I find is if I find something to ease my mind and then pick up just one task and complete it, even if it takes me all week. At the very least it puts my mind on a task rather than what is wrong with me.
Depression can take over your life and boy has it from time to time taken over mine. The idea of depression can be a stigma you don’t want to talk about, it can become so debilitating that you can think the only way out is to end it. There was a point in my life the idea of suicide is the only thing that would save everyone else the pain of having me drag them down. Well, that is what I thought as do many others. We think that everyone is being burdened by our actions, words, or lack thereof. What did I do? I called my dad, rest his soul, and he was there for me just as he had been all the times before. Climbing off the suicide train can be a hard thing but once a person feels no end it seems to be the one last thing that will end all the pain.
I have always wondered why those before my experience and after was unable to pick up the phone. I will never know but there is one thing everyone can do is to join up with a Suicide Walk in a city near them. I did and it was the best way to hear stories from family and friends of those that didn’t make it back to those that did. I guess you could say I am in a club, not one I would like to admit, but a club just the same. So strange that a club I belong is met with sorrow and sometimes happiness, but that is the way it rolled out for me.
When I am asked if I am tired? I am looking forward to telling them yes, I didn’t get enough sleep instead of trying to figure out a lie to be left alone.