Putting Yourself Out There

In 2014 Maya Angelou wrote, “Each of us has the right and the responsibility to assess the roads which lie ahead, and those over which we have traveled, and if the future road looms ominous or unpromising, and the roads back uninviting, then we need to gather our resolve and, carrying only the necessary baggage, step off that road into another direction. If the new choice is also unpalatable, without embarrassment, we must be ready to change that as well”.

Getting to know someone is scary, exciting, and unsure. How can I put myself out there when I have so many concerns? Others could call it baggage. I think it is experiences and life lessons that create the baggage and knowledge. Emotional turmoil can keep me from holding back. Worse yet, guiding me back to the same thing. How do we move on and leave the pain behind? I move toward taking the bad and working out why it was bad, taking the good and remembering the feelings to move onto the next relationship.

When it comes to moving forward, I used to move quickly, out of sight out of mind. Now I can be single and be happy. This could be based on my age, or it could be that learning more about myself has given me the ability to sift through the B.S. I am not mean, or bitter, I am self-reliant and will not settle for anything less than someone treating me with the respect I will give them. Both men and women are on equal footing for the pain of the wrong mate, and equal to having their best friend.

When I was young, I had the tendency to become engage with a man who was never emotionally available. I was engaged to a man when I was an 18 – 22 and he was always cheating. I then said I would never go through that again, I decided to be emotionally unavailable for the next 5 years. Always, keeping any man who would be good to me at bay and dealing with a man who wanted to play games. I was able to disengage from these men at the snap of a finger. At that point I met a man who was friends with other friends. This “man” lied about his age and was only 20. At this point I was 28 and fell for him before I should have. Again, finally letting my guard down.

I wasn’t emotionally intelligent and worked with my libido rather than my mental faculties. This didn’t work out so well for me. I stayed with him for 13 years, while we had 3 kids. Once my son was born, I got myself together and decided to when he turned 3 I was going to turn a new page. I left him and raised my kids to beautiful young adults and spent most of the next 17 years alone. Not because I couldn’t find anyone because of my choice to put my children first. This meant to leave anyone behind that waisted my time. At this point I found myself a bit bitter and realized I needed to grow into the woman I need to be. The woman that another could respect and love. This leads me to now, single for the past 3 years and good with my choices.

Would it be great to be with someone, of course? It is even greater to know there will be someone who will come into my life and will fit without a hard push. If you are going through such a transitional change as what I went through, take a step back, don’t beat yourself up, and just breath. Life’s issues can be resolved with your own ability to not revert to old ways and crucify the next person who comes into your life. #loveyourself #emotional baggage

2 thoughts on “Putting Yourself Out There

  1. Well I can see what you are saying, but we as men can be sure one minute and something happens and it will make us unsure. Then it’s the point in life that really changes us like jobs, combat, new born child, fight, car wreck, losing a friend etc…. The list go’s on but we as men can’t say it we are not going to cry in front of a woman or show our true side. Then we feel rejected when the woman shows her feeling for something she knows nothing about what is going on with her man in his life. I call that side of men the dark side and it has a great deal to do with our mind, needs, wants, and how we look at things to get over in life.


    1. Thank you for your comment. I believe men and women both have things happen to them. Men and women both hide their feeling and show their feelings. The way we are raised and what we go through can have an effect on how we behave.


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