Why Do You I Need A Living Will?

As I get through the past couple of weeks I realize that the question, “Do you have a living Will?” is probably more importance than I ever thought before. So what does this mean. I have sat down for the past 2 days looking at my finances, asset, and what I owe, and determining what needs to be done.

Having gone through my parents Will and the headaches I incured due to the way it was set up, I know it has to be based on my children and grand children. I have set up a seperate set of paperwork if I become incompacitated so that my finances are taken care of prior to my death.

I never thought I would need to write one, just like 401k, investing, and so on. Each thing as it came up I realized as time was ticking on that I was missing the mark. Well now at 54, almost 55 I realize a single mother of 3 young adults and 2 grandsons I need to secure my property and any finances for them so they don’t have a mess to clear up with the state.

I was lucky enough to get legal service with my job so I was able to do a will with them.

I am part of AARP now and I went to find more information I thought would be useful for this blog. I hope this information will help anyone recognize that no matter the age it is important to have a plan laid out for those that are left behind so that it eliminates the problems with family and the courts.

AARP:

If You Don’t Have a Will

If you die without a will (a condition called “intestate”) a probate court will appoint an administrator to direct and manage your estate. The administrator’s duties can include distributing your assets and naming guardians for your children. Be aware that the administrator is guided by local laws, not your wishes, when he or she makes decisions about your estate.

The court may require that the administrator be bonded to ensure that he or she properly performs the required duties. Your estate will pay the bonding fee, the administrator’s fees, and other legal fees.

Don’t Do It Yourself

Don’t be tempted to write your own will. To be valid, a will must comply strictly with the law in your state. The law might require that a will contain specific language, be signed in a particular way, and have a certain number of witnesses.

Only about half the states recognize homemade wills. Even in these states, your DIY will may not stand up in court if it contains language that could be easily misunderstood. If a disgruntled family member attacks your homemade will in court, he or she could have the entire document declared invalid. If this happens, the state would distribute your property as if you did not have a will.

Where Should I Keep My Will?

Generally, you don’t need to register your will. Your executor will do so with the register of wills in the county where you were living when you died. Keep your will in the same place you keep other important papers.

Be sure to choose a safe place where someone else can find the will after your death. Someone you trust should know that the will exists and where it is located.

Some people keep their wills in safe-deposit boxes. Keep in mind that if the will contains provisions which must be known immediately upon your death, a safe-deposit box may not be the best place to keep it. This is because it may be time-consuming for someone whose name is not on the safe-deposit box to gain access to it.

What Is a Self-Proving Will?

A self-proving will has, in addition to the signatures of the testator (you) and witnesses, a notary public’s affidavit attesting to the validity of all the signatures. The affidavit eliminates the need to verify the signatures at the time of probate. In most states, it is not necessary to have a self-proving will for it to be legally effective; however, it is certainly advisable.

Cheating and Allowing it Around You

Being deceitful with the person you are with and those around you doesn’t make you a good person. It doesn’t make you honest or caring. Even if you are a great person in every other way you are still are in the wrong. As for those that sit back and go along with the deceit they are just as guilty and are no better. Let me explain why this is my blog for the day.

There is someone I am close to and have known for over 25 years. This person was there to cover for my ex when he cheated on me and then tried to comfort me after the fact. Going forward I have been vocal every time this person got back together with the kids’ other parent. Then the partner they were married to, left, re married, left, and re married again. I am the type that has a low tolerance for accepting this type of behavior in front of me.

My ex allows this to happen is his home with this person and others. I don’t understand why this is okay. Why this happens to many friends and family’s homes. Why do we as people allow cheating to come into our lives and not shut it down. I might not be the one to go to the other person and say what is happening, that would be a special circumstance. However, if they try to bring it to my home or around me there would be a problem, I would absolutely say something to him/her and the other person. If my home I would have them leave, if not my home I would leave. If we accept this and tolerate this behavior these behaviors continue.

Those that cheat always have reasons, none are good enough to be acceptable. This is an issue I see more and more as I get older, not necessarily with my age but in general.

Now, some phycologists say that friends should act in a more appropriate way:

1. Listen but don’t react at first.

2. Don’t take it personally.

3. Be honest.

4. Don’t insert your own personal ideas.

5. Decide your level of involvement, then step back when needed

So the bottom line for the psychologists is to listen to the reasons, not get involved to where it takes on a life of it’s own and makes you involved to a way it hurts you and makes you a gate keeper of secrets.

Bottom line of this post, I have listened for years, it has been one way then the other. It is a broken record and if the person is so needed for a person’s body then don’t say another thing to me. I will now take it personally because I have been brought into this drama, I am completely honest, and my personal ideas keep me from going crazy. Finally, stepping out of it saves me from screaming.

Cranial Aneurysm’s?

Headache after headache and crashing wave over crashing waves, these can be a sign of a migraine or worse yet a cranial aneurysm.

This week I was put on a roller coaster of pain and I didn’t know how to jump off the boat. After the 2nd thunder clap headache in the past 6 months, with no previous history I was worried something was going wrong. I called my insurances nurse line, I would like to say don’t just go with someone over the phone, make decisions based on your symptoms.I decided I would head off to work and by the end of that day I ended up in the local emergency care hospital. This place had more than a regular urgent care, this place was able to give me a CT scan and a lumbar spinal tap. These tests determined I have a cranial aneurysm that had not burst.

With these two tests and about 8 hours later I was sent home given forms to call and make an appointment.

This in itself was a complete headache as the appointment settlers refused to make an appointment with the neurosurgeon until my documents, which I had in my hands was faxed to their office. Needless to say with the lack of sleep I decided to see my primary physician.

At this point I had 2 appointments with two different neurosurgeon all weeks later. Decided must not be that serious so off I end t to work. Work is an hour away from my home so I was met with a lot of concern from fellow employees and director. It took just 2 hours for me to realize it was a big mistake and I should have pushed harder to be seen.

I end up back on my side of town with a migraine from hell, and a packed ER. It was almost 10 hours on a bed in the hallway until I was moved to a room. A liquid dose of migraine cocktail to take the edge off. At no point was it completely gone but it helped me through the night.

The next day I was met by a renowned neurosurgeon that was brought to my city. He did an angiogram through my grown to find the aneurysm and see if it can be coiled (a technique that blocks the bubble). After the procedure I was in a lot of pain with my groin, at the point of the procedure (surgical opening). The doctor has decided that due to the location and size he was not going to coil the aneurysm but will have me seen ever 3 months to determine if it will continue to grow or if he can leave it. His main concern was a rupture.

With all of this information and my headaches still there we have chosen a regiment of medication that will eliminate most of the headache. At this point I have been told to eliminate undo stress, eat healthier, and not do any exercises that would put strain on my brain. All of this is something I should have already been doing but not worked on. Now it is a choice of life or possible death, never thought it would come down to a 3mm cranial aneurysm.

For everyone who might be going through constant headaches don’t let others determine what you feel or what you have, get more than one opinion it could be a matter of life or death.

How I Lost My Mind!

Have I lost my mind? Well that depends on who I ask. I listen to my doctors but at the same time I think many doctors want to keep you dependent on their medicines and coming in. I have one doctor I see every three months. I think it is ridiculous but of course she doesn’t, I have another 2 doctors that say every 6 months. One I went to after 2 years, of course he let me know how he felt about that, and the other one I don’t listen to everything he has to say.

That brings me to my whole point of losing my mind. I have a doctor that said I was never to run or put strain on my bones. So, what did I finally decide to do? I decided to do a 5k marathon. It was fun, a bit tough because I don’t know how to train (or want to) prior to the races. I now have set up another 5k in November and keep looking on the horizon on what else might come my way. Should be rather interesting when I go and see him next time. We must listen to a doctor from time to time, but I really think our lives are ours to live. Sometimes we can be too scared to get out there and just enjoy what you can find because of a doctor’s advice. If I fracture or break a bone, then I know that he must be right.

In the mean time I will keep looking up things that will push my limits to get out there and be happy.

Can you do things alone?

I would love to say that I am able to jump in my car head over to a restaurant eat a good meal, and then take in a good movie. Well I am not really that easy going. I find that I have issues with myself being in public where families, couples, friends all go.

When I was younger, I would look at single folks coming to functions as odd. How sad it would be to not have someone to enjoy things with. Now I am at the age of who gives a damn. I have started to see the flaws in my previous thoughts and when my friends couldn’t join me for a marathon over the weekend, I came up with reasons to get out of it. Then the day came for the race and I realized I will be alone at some point so push through it and go. I looked like a fish out of water as there were groups and some with another. Here I was looking out of place, but I push through. I had strangers take a couple of pictures so I could commemorate the event, realize I didn’t die, but thought it would have been a bit more fun with a friend or two. Next time. This is the first step to knowing I can go out and not feel so self-conscious, I will say I want to never be alone as a general choice.

Can we as humans live alone, no. Can we as humans be so needed that we can’t do one thing alone, I want to say no, I am sure some people feel this way. Let us all find a happy balance. Not being able to do things alone is as much of a problem as not wanting to be around other people. Either stance means you need to learn about yourself, how to enjoy others and yourself. I am comfortable in my own skin and being alone, I am now learning I don’t need to be with someone to go out and have fun, I don’t need to wait for another person to join me.

I will say I still enjoy company but won’t die if I do things out and about alone. I am and will always be a work in progress but in the meantime, I am going to do another 5k alone, if no one else can join. Enjoy finding your own company worth the time to work on.

Bed

When you have depression, bi-polar, PTSD, or any other issue that makes you unable to live it can be stressful and frustrating to others. No one can make the person get up and enjoy life, when it becomes a deep hole life passes you by.

This blog is to let everyone know that it isn’t them, it isn’t the things they are trying to do, it is the chemical or mental challenge that consumes the person living with the illness. They can be so very happy one minute and what ever the trigger they can turn around and become lethargic. They can be working or going to school and doing extremely well and the next minute they are calling out sick.

Anything that is going on with them needs to be viewed as an illness and that it can pass. Don’t just let the person live it alone and never peak in to see if they are okay, because sometimes these triggers can also lead to suicide. Be mindful, be caring, but don’t be irritated or frustrated.

On blurtitout.org the write talks a bit about it all We feel completely stuck. On blurtitout.org the write talks a bit about it all We feel completely stuck. There is nothing physically attaching us to our bed, but we feel completely unable to move. Our body can feel heavy and sluggish. Our limbs can ache, and no position feels comfortable but the thought of moving makes us want to cry. Our brains work incredibly slowly or stop working entirely. We can’t think. We can’t remember how to get up and get dressed. Everything feels overwhelming and impossible. The biggest thing anyone can do is let them know they are not alone and that they will not be abandoned.

GRIEF

Grief is a crazy thing. For me having lost 6 family members in 2 years and 4 of them were in the past 6 months.

Loving my adoptive parents and losing my father in April 2017 and my mother in January 2018 was a cruel joke from God and it always makes me wonder why this happens. I am getting older so I understand it happens but the pain is just as deep as if I was younger.

Then in the summer of 2018 my birth sister passed. Now it is 2019 and the last three close family members passed. In the past 6 months I lost my birth mother, birth grandmother, and birth uncle. 3 out of 4 of these family members died from cancer. Yesterday my birth father let me know my uncle has passed.

I handle grief in a very crazy rollercoaster of emotions. Working and spending days not thinking of the pain and then something simple happens and the emotions flood in. I know some people who can compartmentalize the grief while others can’t sleep or move passed the initial pain. For myself, I fall in the middle.

Some grief quotes:

1. “The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.” — Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

2. “Those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us every day…unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed, and very dear.” — Unknown

3. “In the garden of memory, in the palace of dreams…that is where you and I shall meet.” — Alice Through the Looking Glass

4. “When someone you love becomes a memory…that memory becomes a treasure.” — Unknown

“Death is a challenge. It tells us not to waste time. It tell us to tell each other right now that we love each other.” — Leo Buscaglia