Remember to Love Yourself First

Photo by Ylanite Koppens on Pexels.com

As we grow, we can fid it hard to remember who we are. Falling in love is always a wonderful thing but as we grow in our relationship, we give a part of our independence up. This is a great thing when they also give a piece of themselves up This doesn’t mean that either of us will be less than it means that what we give up is to make us better as a couple.

The moment that we forget who we are is when things go airy. Living for another person and no longer remembering who you are is a slippery slope. Have you ever found yourself allowing another be the leader in the relationship? Telling you what to do, how to act, who to see, what to say, or even blaming you for things when they do something wrong. Can we forgive for slights, I would say so, should we stay with someone that does this, I would say no. You are someone, if you believe in God, you were created to be someone. Remember that having a healthy relationship is not being co-dependent, if you become this way it could turn off a person that wants a joint relationship and it can bring others who want to control the relationship. Either way you would lose.

Bustle.com shows signs that you have started to or have lost yourself in a relationship.

1. You’ve Changed Your Opinions To Keep The Peace If something your partner says or does genuinely changes your mind, that’s totally fine. But if you’re less outspoken about a cause you care about around your partner or you’ve convinced yourself you have political, social, or moral views you really don’t, you could be sacrificing who you are, says Parker.

2. You’re Sacrificing Your Interests For Theirs It’s normal for people in a relationship to try to understand each other better by engaging in each other’s favorite activities. But ask yourself whether you’ve taken up their hobbies or researched their interests to understand them or to impress them.

3. Their Problems Bother You As If They Were Your Own It’s nice to sympathize with your partner when they’re down, but there’s a difference between feeling bad for them and just feeling bad. Don’t worry: you’re not a bad person for being happy when a loved one isn’t.

4. You Pass Up Opportunities For Them If you turn down your dream job offer because it would require you to live away from your partner, skip out on a trip with your friends because your partner can’t go, or stop going to your exercise classes because you now work out together, your relationship may be costing you other things that are important to you.

If you don’t have a strong and great relationship with yourself the relationship with another won’t be joint. Never allow another to take over, you must love yourself first. Sometimes when it becomes one sided many people end up seeing a professional. If this is something you need, I am always

Tinybuhdda.com has 8 reasons to not lose yourself in a relationship.

1. Establish a strong foundation while you are single.

2. Know who you are.

3. Have strong boundaries.

4. Have your own life.

5. Have your own friends.

6. Stay true to yourself.

7. Communicate openly.

8. Stop the over giving and accommodating.

Never shy away from another, don’t be alone for ever because you are worried just be diligent in reminding yourself you are worthy of being happy and being just as needed as you are giving of yourself.

Your Pet Will Change Your Mood

Nia is my current pet; I have had her since she was 6 weeks old and I am her person. She is a bit nuts and possessive. I am on the market for a dog trainer, even though I have taken her through puppy training she needs a personality trainer. Not sure what they are called but she needs to be calmer when others are around me including the other dogs in our house. No matter what, Nia helps me with my mood, when I am feeling sick, and she just is always there as my best friend. Amazing we can call our pets our best friends.

Pets spend their life with us being our companion and dogs always want to please us. My dog follows me everywhere and I don’t seem to be able to escape her. However, I like having a pet want to be around me, she keeps me calm and helps me when PTSD, depression, or anxiety hits.

I have always been around pets, my parents always had them around. My mom was an avid cat lover while my father loved both cats and dogs.

Dogs have the innate ability to understand many words that we say and even more importantly they are in tune with the tone our voice, our behaviors, and can sense our moods. Therefore hospitals, VA hospitals, rehabilitation centers, some prisons, and assisted living homes plans have dogs and sometimes cats come to comfort the people in the facilities. The fact that they can help with moods and can increase happiness, and mental and physical health.

Outside of a typical cat or dog there are other animals and people that find them as their comfort. Now we can’t have an elephant in our back yard but if you go to Thailand you can enjoy their connection and empathy they have with humans. Outside of a large animal such as an elephant some animals people have in their homes are horses, pigs, reptiles, and pretty much any other domesticated animal. It is amazing that people can be closer to an animal than they can to another human.  

Helpguide.org talks about why these animals make such an impact on our lives.

Studies have found that:

•Pet owners are less likely to suffer from depression than those without pets.

•People with pets have lower blood pressure in stressful situations than those without pets. One study even found that when people with borderline hypertension adopted dogs from a shelter, their blood pressure declined significantly within five months.

•Playing with a dog or cat can elevate levels of serotonin and dopamine, which calm and relax.

•Pet owners have lower triglyceride and cholesterol levels (indicators of heart disease) than those without pets.

•Heart attack patients with pets survive longer than those without.

•Pet owners over age 65 make 30 percent fewer visits to their doctors than those without pets.

•While people with pets often experience the greatest health benefits, a pet doesn’t necessarily have to be a dog or a cat. Even watching fish in an aquarium can help reduce muscle tension and lower pulse rate.

One of the reasons for these therapeutic effects is that pets fulfill the basic human need for touch. Even hardened criminals in prison show long-term changes in their behavior after interacting with pets, many of them experiencing mutual affection for the first time. Stroking, hugging, or otherwise touching a loving animal can rapidly calm and soothe you when you’re stressed or anxious. The companionship of a pet can also ease loneliness, and most dogs are a great stimulus for healthy exercise, which can substantially boost your mood and ease depression.

No matter the reason we have animals it is always great to see faces of others snuggling up to a furry, and sometimes not furry, pet. Nia is my furry friend and I believe if you have a pet you can be less stressed and help with your mental and physical health.

Homeopathic Trends

Have you ever gone to the doctor, given a diagnosis, and sent off with a prescription? I have and each time I wonder why, there must be a new way, a different way, something that won’t cause side effects. When I was a young teen, I had several kidney infections and after multiple doctor visits my mother went to a homeopathic store and came home with a bottle of acidophilus which after a few weeks stopped the infections and created a Ph balance back in my system.

Today I learned about a technique of going barefoot to absorb the earth with the technique of Grounding.

Grounding (Earthing) is a reconnection with the Earth’s electrons has been found to promote intriguing physiological changes and subjective reports of well-being. Earthing (or grounding) refers to the discovery of benefits—including better sleep and reduced pain—from walking barefoot outside or sitting, working, or sleeping indoors connected to conductive systems that transfer the Earth’s electrons from the ground into the body (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3265077/).

With the alignments that I have had I believe that grounding can help with my fatigue, aches and pains, and overall mood. As I try this daily, I will be excited to see these changes.

On the website medicalnewstoday.com discusses how depression can be changed with herbal remedies. Depression is a serious mood disorder with symptoms that range from mild to debilitating and potentially life-threatening. Some people look to manage depression with herbal remedies, rather than with medication a doctor prescribes. The use of complementary therapies continues to gain popularity, as people look for more natural methods of managing their health. However, herbal does not always mean safe or effective, and knowing which products to choose can save a lot of time and money.

Medical News Today writes about 6 herbs that can help, with the understanding that the FDA has not recognized these herbs as approved over the drugs provided by the medical and pharmacy fields.

1. St. John’s wort

St. John’s wort is also known as Hypericum perforatum. This plant has been a common herbal mental health treatment for hundreds of years. However, people must use caution if they chose to try it as a potential treatment for depression. A 2016 systematic review found that St. John’s wort was more effective than a placebo for treating mild to moderate depression and worked almost as well as antidepressant medications. However, this review of eligible studies did not find research on the long-term effects of St. John’s wort on severe depression. The authors also advised caution against accepting the results wholesale, as the herb has adverse effects that many of the studies did not consider. St John’s wort can also interfere with the effects of antidepressant medication, meaning that it may make symptoms worse or reduce the effectiveness of conventional treatment. While St. John’s wort might help some people, it does not show consistently beneficial effects. For these reasons, people should not use St. John’s wort instead of conventional treatment. Neither should they try St. John’s wort to treat moderate to severe depression.

2. Ginseng

This supplement comes from the gnarled root of the American or Asian ginseng plant. Siberian, Asian, and Eleuthero ginseng are different plants with different active ingredients. Practitioners of Chinese medicine have used ginseng for thousands of years to help people improve mental clarity and energy and reduce the effects of stress. Some people associate these properties of ginseng with potential solutions for the low energy and motivation that can occur with depression. However, the National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health (NCCIH) advise that none of the many studies that people have conducted on ginseng have been of sufficient quality to form health recommendations.

3. Chamomile

A study in 2012 reviewed data about chamomile, which comes from the Matricaria recutita plant, and its role in helping to manage depression and anxiety. The results show that chamomile produced more significant relief from depressive symptoms than a placebo. However, further studies are necessary to confirm the health benefits of chamomile in treating depressive symptoms.

4. Lavender

Lavender oil is a popular essential oil. People typically use lavender oil for relaxation and reducing anxiety and mood disturbances. A 2013 review of various studies suggested that lavender might have significant potential in reducing anxiety and improving sleep. Lavender has mixed results in studies that assess its impact on anxiety. However, its effectiveness as a treatment for ongoing depression has little high-quality evidence in support at the current time.

5. Saffron

Some studies cite using saffron as a safe and effective measure for controlling the symptoms of depression, such as this non-systematic review from 2018. However, more research would help confirm the possible benefits of saffron for people with depression. Scientists also need to understand any possible adverse effects better.

6. SAMe

Some supplements have shown promising effects on depression symptoms. However, many investigations confirming their benefits are low quality. SAMe is short for S-adenosyl methionine. It is a synthetic form of a chemical that occurs naturally in the body. In 2016, researchers reviewed all the randomized controlled trials on record for the use of SAMe to treat depression in adults. They found no significant difference between the effects of SAMe on depression symptoms and those of a placebo. However, they also found that SAMe had about the same effectiveness as the common antidepressant’s imipramine or escitalopram. Furthermore, it was better than a placebo when the researchers mixed SAMe with selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor medications. As with many other studies into herbs and supplements, the investigations into the safety and efficacy of SAMe are of low quality. More research is necessary to determine its exact effect. People use the supplement in Europe as a prescription antidepressant. However, the FDA have not yet approved this for use in the U.S.

With the information that I have found, it is important to listen to more than one source, I would be careful of removing any prescribed medications before consulting with your physician. It is your body, and because of this you need to make choices that won’t create more problems but having a second or third opinion is a smart option.

When to Turn Off the Television and Other Devices

Photo by Anurag Sharma on Pexels.com

The idea of watching the TV for hours can become a strain on a person’s eyes, a play on their psyche, and can create a less energetic person. The generation now watches more television than ever before. I wonder how much of my generation helped with this.

I remember when my kids were young, they did watch television, but I also tried to make sure they experienced other things; sports, trips, nature, zoo’s, and things I thought would make them more rounded. As they grew the more television, we all watched. They are young adults and it is impossible to get my son to come up for air, and my grandson, who is 4, asks for his tablet on a regular basis. I think about how our world has changed, when I was a child and into my teens I didn’t think to sit down and watch television, I was into playing outside and being around friends. I also understand that the idea of human trafficking wasn’t as rampant as it is today. Does it mean kids should be kept inside? I would have to say no, this is the wrong stance. I can say that my health, my age, and my not making friends as I used to, causes me to watch more television.

Reality though, is that if I force myself out than I can help my health, slow down my aging, and create the ability to meet more people. If my grandson was given his tablet less, his television turned off, and taken out more often he wouldn’t miss the brain numbing tools. What can I do, what can families do, and what as a generation raised by television do? I say take less time in front of a television, smart phone, tablet, and computer and let the breeze blow on your face.

I have made sure that every weekend I find a chore of some type take up my day, today was making cookies, cleaning, and going through all of my tools. To think I am a female and I love tools. This to is a change in the generations. I would rather buy a new tool than go get my nails done, however I am still as much of a woman as any other.

Finally, many health concerns can come about by utilizing all these visual aids, it causes less connection from a person to another, not creating memories, lack of exercise, less brain activity, and finally problems with their eyes. So what do you think you can do to help change the next generation?

Vets and Signs of PTSD

Photo by Somchai Kongkamsri on Pexels.com

My dad was a vet who fought in both the Korean and Vietnam war. He saw his friends, the soldiers that fought along side him pass. He saw death from both sides. I never thought he had any issues; I was oblivious to his trauma. It wasn’t until I was older and dated men who fought in Desert Storm and saw the trauma they faced. I saw the fear, the sleep issues, the thoughts of suicide, and more effecting them at different times.

es with no rhyme or reason. At least as an outsider what I thought.

I then started working with a vet who was proud of being a vet but had many demons from the tours he had in the middle east. He saw his friends die, his Humvee blown up with him barely surviving, and then the aftermath of dreams, suicide was a thought that came up many times of the year. The worst time is when the date of his near-death experiences is very traumatizing, even years later.  

The triggers of his thoughts were many, even speedbumps. Anxiety is minor compared to the anguish he has with PTSD.

On the website healthprep.com they stated that PTSD is defined by:

Fear is an intense emotion that is part of the human experience. It activates certain chemical processes in our bodies that make the memories more significant and causes us to think irrationally. Individuals who do not face their fears or overcome them may either develop Stockholm syndrome, where they begin to cope with terrible and frightening situations by becoming submissive and apathetic, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) from long-term exposure to fear. It is not the fear itself that can lead to serious health problems but our inability to overcome it or logically escape it when we enter ourselves into it voluntarily. The long-term damage from fear can damage our brains, cardiovascular system, digestive system, and lead to premature aging or sudden death. The impact of chronic exposure to fear is also associated with mental disorders such as clinical depression, PTSD, anxiety, and fatigue.

If you have a family member, friend, or co-worker understand this can manifest in many ways, you should make sure a specialist has a chance to diagnose and create the best plan of action to help the vet have a successful life.

Night Terrors

Photo by it’s me neosiam on Pexels.com

Night terrors for myself are simple defined as a man who tries to kill me. His face is blurry, no true features are created. He is always trying to get close and wanting to not just hurt me but kill me. Last night after many years I couldn’t move as I dreamed of this blurry figure. The side of his face and head pushes hard against mine. The more he presses the more pain I feel against my head as a strong migraine that is screaming with pain starts to come about. As I feel my head trying to explode, he is pushing hard with anger and distain. I feel pain in my neck and all I can feel now is his hot breath speaking on how he is going to kill me. I want to wake up, but he won’t let me go and all I can do is cry and beg for my life. I jump out of the dream with fear and a pounding headache. No, the fear rises, and I jump out of bed looking around in my closet, behind doors and under the bed. No, he is not here. This occurred for several years and without a reason it stopped but now he is back. Back with a vengeance letting me know he will never go away.

What causes these? These came about after two Army men tried to kill me in Tacoma, Washington. I will never forget the act, but I thought I would get through the PTSD.

Interesting how a trigger can set you off. I don’t even know what triggered me yesterday, how I thought I was going to get through this without much harm to my psyche. Didn’t realize I was going to live with this fear for the rest of my life. After counseling trying to stay away from what I thought were triggers, I realize it will never go away.

If you want to understand why you might have these terrors I can first tell you to find a counselor that can walk you through the trauma, second know that they might come back from time to time, but they are just that dreams. All I can say is breath through the horror, if you are at all religious pray that you will get through the dreams.

Misunderstood

Do you, like myself, feel you are misunderstood? I want to use the term feel because we base this type of word through feelings not fact. I believe the way I am as a person, people at work and in my personal life don’t truly understand me. This is for family, friends, and coworkers. They might not a piece of me but about 70% of the time I am told I am one way, but I feel a different.

An example with family, is thinking I am mad about something, but I am disappointed because I am not clear, or they are not hearing me. Which really is I being not clear. Working on the way I speak toward others is a constant struggle. I guess I could say I am self-aware of how I can be or come across, but my internal struggle makes it hard for me to show others.

I get the responses of how I am not quite, how I hold a grudge, how I am vocal, and speak all the time. Reality, I try to wait to speak, I am always in my head waiting to speak after others, and I try to speak up when it comes to others or I disagree with someone. When I try to say nothing, others think I am mad or dislike someone, when I speak up people say I am impulsive or rude. At this point I am not sure how to talk about what I want or how I can speak to others without the negative results. Being self-aware doesn’t mean I have fixed the things that can help other understand where I am coming from.

Taking on leadership plan with my supervisor, listen to audio books on how to communicate, and try to change some of my behaviors can help bring others to me. I don’t think everyone needs to understand me and I need to change, I believe success is when both sides communicate better so both sides don’t feel like they are being run over.

On the website onewithnow.com there is a section on how to move past being misunderstood, these ways can work in business and personal life. How do you move past being misunderstood?

After processing my findings above, I came up with the following pointers. I hope you find them beneficial.

1. You have the right to respond but not the obligation. You always have the right to express your opinion and discuss an issue further. But only if it serves a purpose and helps you move forward. You also have the right not to engage and not respond at all.

2. Others’ views of your opinions don’t diminish your worth. You are who you are and you’re entitled to your thoughts and views. Your opinions are not who you are. They are the position you hold at this moment, which may change subsequently.

3. It’s okay to be misunderstood. The newspapers and tabloids thrive on misquoting and manipulating words. In our daily interactions, others will take what they’ll take from the conversations. There is nothing you can do about it. And if they don’t like what you have to say, so be it.

4. Feel the emotions without rationalization. As much as we’d like to think that we humans are a rational species, we are not. We’re highly emotional and a lot of what we say or do is driven by emotions. You can waste all the time in the world trying to understand why someone misconstrued what you said. In all likelihood, what you expressed triggered a defensive response in them. It has nothing to do with you. So focus on how you feel. Also, realize the more important the person to you, the higher the emotional charge. Don’t try to argue with how you feel. You may feel angry, upset, fearful, disappointed, hurt, betrayed or any other emotion. Allow—feel and then feel some more. Write about your feelings; meditate on them, or just sit quietly and allow them to go through you. Take your time—there is no shortcut for releasing your emotions.

5. Write an imaginary response. If you feel you need to express more of your thoughts and feelings write them in a letter. What would you say to the person who you feel wronged you? Write what you would want to tell them and how the interaction made you feel. There is an amazing release that comes from putting thoughts and words to paper. This is what I did and I felt much better after.

6. Sleep on it. If you decide you want to respond and you want to discuss the issue further, don’t do it right away. Think about what you want to say and maybe even draft a response as mentioned above. Give yourself a few days. You will be surprised by how fast you may cool off and change your mind. In all likelihood, you will dismiss the issue and move on. For me I decided the best approach was not to send a response. Later I talked to my friend and we never mentioned taxes. It worked out.

7. Let it go. After all is said and done, let the whole issue go. Don’t hold a grudge or keep bringing it up. You don’t want to add fuel to a fire in your heart. If the other person was not happy with your decision, it’s their problem not yours. You cannot satisfy someone who is adamant about having an argument. Do yourself a big favor and don’t engage in further discussion. Sometimes the best opinions are the ones that remain unexpressed. You know who you are and what you stand for. Instead of engaging in trying to explain and validate your opinions, move on and do something that is more meaningful to you.

Letting go is freedom. You can’t force anyone to see your point of view. However, you can drop the issue and let go. It’s always in your hands.

We each need to trust our own internal feelings but on the same token we need to step back and make sure what we say is on point. Listen more, speak less, and create an easier way to communicate. Again, I am a work in progress and no matter my age I believe I will always be a work in progress.