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Why Do You I Need A Living Will?

As I get through the past couple of weeks I realize that the question, “Do you have a living Will?” is probably more importance than I ever thought before. So what does this mean. I have sat down for the past 2 days looking at my finances, asset, and what I owe, and determining what needs to be done.

Having gone through my parents Will and the headaches I incured due to the way it was set up, I know it has to be based on my children and grand children. I have set up a seperate set of paperwork if I become incompacitated so that my finances are taken care of prior to my death.

I never thought I would need to write one, just like 401k, investing, and so on. Each thing as it came up I realized as time was ticking on that I was missing the mark. Well now at 54, almost 55 I realize a single mother of 3 young adults and 2 grandsons I need to secure my property and any finances for them so they don’t have a mess to clear up with the state.

I was lucky enough to get legal service with my job so I was able to do a will with them.

I am part of AARP now and I went to find more information I thought would be useful for this blog. I hope this information will help anyone recognize that no matter the age it is important to have a plan laid out for those that are left behind so that it eliminates the problems with family and the courts.

AARP:

If You Don’t Have a Will

If you die without a will (a condition called “intestate”) a probate court will appoint an administrator to direct and manage your estate. The administrator’s duties can include distributing your assets and naming guardians for your children. Be aware that the administrator is guided by local laws, not your wishes, when he or she makes decisions about your estate.

The court may require that the administrator be bonded to ensure that he or she properly performs the required duties. Your estate will pay the bonding fee, the administrator’s fees, and other legal fees.

Don’t Do It Yourself

Don’t be tempted to write your own will. To be valid, a will must comply strictly with the law in your state. The law might require that a will contain specific language, be signed in a particular way, and have a certain number of witnesses.

Only about half the states recognize homemade wills. Even in these states, your DIY will may not stand up in court if it contains language that could be easily misunderstood. If a disgruntled family member attacks your homemade will in court, he or she could have the entire document declared invalid. If this happens, the state would distribute your property as if you did not have a will.

Where Should I Keep My Will?

Generally, you don’t need to register your will. Your executor will do so with the register of wills in the county where you were living when you died. Keep your will in the same place you keep other important papers.

Be sure to choose a safe place where someone else can find the will after your death. Someone you trust should know that the will exists and where it is located.

Some people keep their wills in safe-deposit boxes. Keep in mind that if the will contains provisions which must be known immediately upon your death, a safe-deposit box may not be the best place to keep it. This is because it may be time-consuming for someone whose name is not on the safe-deposit box to gain access to it.

What Is a Self-Proving Will?

A self-proving will has, in addition to the signatures of the testator (you) and witnesses, a notary public’s affidavit attesting to the validity of all the signatures. The affidavit eliminates the need to verify the signatures at the time of probate. In most states, it is not necessary to have a self-proving will for it to be legally effective; however, it is certainly advisable.

Cheating and Allowing it Around You

Being deceitful with the person you are with and those around you doesn’t make you a good person. It doesn’t make you honest or caring. Even if you are a great person in every other way you are still are in the wrong. As for those that sit back and go along with the deceit they are just as guilty and are no better. Let me explain why this is my blog for the day.

There is someone I am close to and have known for over 25 years. This person was there to cover for my ex when he cheated on me and then tried to comfort me after the fact. Going forward I have been vocal every time this person got back together with the kids’ other parent. Then the partner they were married to, left, re married, left, and re married again. I am the type that has a low tolerance for accepting this type of behavior in front of me.

My ex allows this to happen is his home with this person and others. I don’t understand why this is okay. Why this happens to many friends and family’s homes. Why do we as people allow cheating to come into our lives and not shut it down. I might not be the one to go to the other person and say what is happening, that would be a special circumstance. However, if they try to bring it to my home or around me there would be a problem, I would absolutely say something to him/her and the other person. If my home I would have them leave, if not my home I would leave. If we accept this and tolerate this behavior these behaviors continue.

Those that cheat always have reasons, none are good enough to be acceptable. This is an issue I see more and more as I get older, not necessarily with my age but in general.

Now, some phycologists say that friends should act in a more appropriate way:

1. Listen but don’t react at first.

2. Don’t take it personally.

3. Be honest.

4. Don’t insert your own personal ideas.

5. Decide your level of involvement, then step back when needed

So the bottom line for the psychologists is to listen to the reasons, not get involved to where it takes on a life of it’s own and makes you involved to a way it hurts you and makes you a gate keeper of secrets.

Bottom line of this post, I have listened for years, it has been one way then the other. It is a broken record and if the person is so needed for a person’s body then don’t say another thing to me. I will now take it personally because I have been brought into this drama, I am completely honest, and my personal ideas keep me from going crazy. Finally, stepping out of it saves me from screaming.

Cranial Aneurysm’s?

Headache after headache and crashing wave over crashing waves, these can be a sign of a migraine or worse yet a cranial aneurysm.

This week I was put on a roller coaster of pain and I didn’t know how to jump off the boat. After the 2nd thunder clap headache in the past 6 months, with no previous history I was worried something was going wrong. I called my insurances nurse line, I would like to say don’t just go with someone over the phone, make decisions based on your symptoms.I decided I would head off to work and by the end of that day I ended up in the local emergency care hospital. This place had more than a regular urgent care, this place was able to give me a CT scan and a lumbar spinal tap. These tests determined I have a cranial aneurysm that had not burst.

With these two tests and about 8 hours later I was sent home given forms to call and make an appointment.

This in itself was a complete headache as the appointment settlers refused to make an appointment with the neurosurgeon until my documents, which I had in my hands was faxed to their office. Needless to say with the lack of sleep I decided to see my primary physician.

At this point I had 2 appointments with two different neurosurgeon all weeks later. Decided must not be that serious so off I end t to work. Work is an hour away from my home so I was met with a lot of concern from fellow employees and director. It took just 2 hours for me to realize it was a big mistake and I should have pushed harder to be seen.

I end up back on my side of town with a migraine from hell, and a packed ER. It was almost 10 hours on a bed in the hallway until I was moved to a room. A liquid dose of migraine cocktail to take the edge off. At no point was it completely gone but it helped me through the night.

The next day I was met by a renowned neurosurgeon that was brought to my city. He did an angiogram through my grown to find the aneurysm and see if it can be coiled (a technique that blocks the bubble). After the procedure I was in a lot of pain with my groin, at the point of the procedure (surgical opening). The doctor has decided that due to the location and size he was not going to coil the aneurysm but will have me seen ever 3 months to determine if it will continue to grow or if he can leave it. His main concern was a rupture.

With all of this information and my headaches still there we have chosen a regiment of medication that will eliminate most of the headache. At this point I have been told to eliminate undo stress, eat healthier, and not do any exercises that would put strain on my brain. All of this is something I should have already been doing but not worked on. Now it is a choice of life or possible death, never thought it would come down to a 3mm cranial aneurysm.

For everyone who might be going through constant headaches don’t let others determine what you feel or what you have, get more than one opinion it could be a matter of life or death.

How I Lost My Mind!

Have I lost my mind? Well that depends on who I ask. I listen to my doctors but at the same time I think many doctors want to keep you dependent on their medicines and coming in. I have one doctor I see every three months. I think it is ridiculous but of course she doesn’t, I have another 2 doctors that say every 6 months. One I went to after 2 years, of course he let me know how he felt about that, and the other one I don’t listen to everything he has to say.

That brings me to my whole point of losing my mind. I have a doctor that said I was never to run or put strain on my bones. So, what did I finally decide to do? I decided to do a 5k marathon. It was fun, a bit tough because I don’t know how to train (or want to) prior to the races. I now have set up another 5k in November and keep looking on the horizon on what else might come my way. Should be rather interesting when I go and see him next time. We must listen to a doctor from time to time, but I really think our lives are ours to live. Sometimes we can be too scared to get out there and just enjoy what you can find because of a doctor’s advice. If I fracture or break a bone, then I know that he must be right.

In the mean time I will keep looking up things that will push my limits to get out there and be happy.

Can you do things alone?

I would love to say that I am able to jump in my car head over to a restaurant eat a good meal, and then take in a good movie. Well I am not really that easy going. I find that I have issues with myself being in public where families, couples, friends all go.

When I was younger, I would look at single folks coming to functions as odd. How sad it would be to not have someone to enjoy things with. Now I am at the age of who gives a damn. I have started to see the flaws in my previous thoughts and when my friends couldn’t join me for a marathon over the weekend, I came up with reasons to get out of it. Then the day came for the race and I realized I will be alone at some point so push through it and go. I looked like a fish out of water as there were groups and some with another. Here I was looking out of place, but I push through. I had strangers take a couple of pictures so I could commemorate the event, realize I didn’t die, but thought it would have been a bit more fun with a friend or two. Next time. This is the first step to knowing I can go out and not feel so self-conscious, I will say I want to never be alone as a general choice.

Can we as humans live alone, no. Can we as humans be so needed that we can’t do one thing alone, I want to say no, I am sure some people feel this way. Let us all find a happy balance. Not being able to do things alone is as much of a problem as not wanting to be around other people. Either stance means you need to learn about yourself, how to enjoy others and yourself. I am comfortable in my own skin and being alone, I am now learning I don’t need to be with someone to go out and have fun, I don’t need to wait for another person to join me.

I will say I still enjoy company but won’t die if I do things out and about alone. I am and will always be a work in progress but in the meantime, I am going to do another 5k alone, if no one else can join. Enjoy finding your own company worth the time to work on.

Bed

When you have depression, bi-polar, PTSD, or any other issue that makes you unable to live it can be stressful and frustrating to others. No one can make the person get up and enjoy life, when it becomes a deep hole life passes you by.

This blog is to let everyone know that it isn’t them, it isn’t the things they are trying to do, it is the chemical or mental challenge that consumes the person living with the illness. They can be so very happy one minute and what ever the trigger they can turn around and become lethargic. They can be working or going to school and doing extremely well and the next minute they are calling out sick.

Anything that is going on with them needs to be viewed as an illness and that it can pass. Don’t just let the person live it alone and never peak in to see if they are okay, because sometimes these triggers can also lead to suicide. Be mindful, be caring, but don’t be irritated or frustrated.

On blurtitout.org the write talks a bit about it all We feel completely stuck. On blurtitout.org the write talks a bit about it all We feel completely stuck. There is nothing physically attaching us to our bed, but we feel completely unable to move. Our body can feel heavy and sluggish. Our limbs can ache, and no position feels comfortable but the thought of moving makes us want to cry. Our brains work incredibly slowly or stop working entirely. We can’t think. We can’t remember how to get up and get dressed. Everything feels overwhelming and impossible. The biggest thing anyone can do is let them know they are not alone and that they will not be abandoned.

GRIEF

Grief is a crazy thing. For me having lost 6 family members in 2 years and 4 of them were in the past 6 months.

Loving my adoptive parents and losing my father in April 2017 and my mother in January 2018 was a cruel joke from God and it always makes me wonder why this happens. I am getting older so I understand it happens but the pain is just as deep as if I was younger.

Then in the summer of 2018 my birth sister passed. Now it is 2019 and the last three close family members passed. In the past 6 months I lost my birth mother, birth grandmother, and birth uncle. 3 out of 4 of these family members died from cancer. Yesterday my birth father let me know my uncle has passed.

I handle grief in a very crazy rollercoaster of emotions. Working and spending days not thinking of the pain and then something simple happens and the emotions flood in. I know some people who can compartmentalize the grief while others can’t sleep or move passed the initial pain. For myself, I fall in the middle.

Some grief quotes:

1. “The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.” — Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

2. “Those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us every day…unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed, and very dear.” — Unknown

3. “In the garden of memory, in the palace of dreams…that is where you and I shall meet.” — Alice Through the Looking Glass

4. “When someone you love becomes a memory…that memory becomes a treasure.” — Unknown

“Death is a challenge. It tells us not to waste time. It tell us to tell each other right now that we love each other.” — Leo Buscaglia

Remember to Love Yourself First

Photo by Ylanite Koppens on Pexels.com

As we grow, we can fid it hard to remember who we are. Falling in love is always a wonderful thing but as we grow in our relationship, we give a part of our independence up. This is a great thing when they also give a piece of themselves up This doesn’t mean that either of us will be less than it means that what we give up is to make us better as a couple.

The moment that we forget who we are is when things go airy. Living for another person and no longer remembering who you are is a slippery slope. Have you ever found yourself allowing another be the leader in the relationship? Telling you what to do, how to act, who to see, what to say, or even blaming you for things when they do something wrong. Can we forgive for slights, I would say so, should we stay with someone that does this, I would say no. You are someone, if you believe in God, you were created to be someone. Remember that having a healthy relationship is not being co-dependent, if you become this way it could turn off a person that wants a joint relationship and it can bring others who want to control the relationship. Either way you would lose.

Bustle.com shows signs that you have started to or have lost yourself in a relationship.

1. You’ve Changed Your Opinions To Keep The Peace If something your partner says or does genuinely changes your mind, that’s totally fine. But if you’re less outspoken about a cause you care about around your partner or you’ve convinced yourself you have political, social, or moral views you really don’t, you could be sacrificing who you are, says Parker.

2. You’re Sacrificing Your Interests For Theirs It’s normal for people in a relationship to try to understand each other better by engaging in each other’s favorite activities. But ask yourself whether you’ve taken up their hobbies or researched their interests to understand them or to impress them.

3. Their Problems Bother You As If They Were Your Own It’s nice to sympathize with your partner when they’re down, but there’s a difference between feeling bad for them and just feeling bad. Don’t worry: you’re not a bad person for being happy when a loved one isn’t.

4. You Pass Up Opportunities For Them If you turn down your dream job offer because it would require you to live away from your partner, skip out on a trip with your friends because your partner can’t go, or stop going to your exercise classes because you now work out together, your relationship may be costing you other things that are important to you.

If you don’t have a strong and great relationship with yourself the relationship with another won’t be joint. Never allow another to take over, you must love yourself first. Sometimes when it becomes one sided many people end up seeing a professional. If this is something you need, I am always

Tinybuhdda.com has 8 reasons to not lose yourself in a relationship.

1. Establish a strong foundation while you are single.

2. Know who you are.

3. Have strong boundaries.

4. Have your own life.

5. Have your own friends.

6. Stay true to yourself.

7. Communicate openly.

8. Stop the over giving and accommodating.

Never shy away from another, don’t be alone for ever because you are worried just be diligent in reminding yourself you are worthy of being happy and being just as needed as you are giving of yourself.

Your Pet Will Change Your Mood

Nia is my current pet; I have had her since she was 6 weeks old and I am her person. She is a bit nuts and possessive. I am on the market for a dog trainer, even though I have taken her through puppy training she needs a personality trainer. Not sure what they are called but she needs to be calmer when others are around me including the other dogs in our house. No matter what, Nia helps me with my mood, when I am feeling sick, and she just is always there as my best friend. Amazing we can call our pets our best friends.

Pets spend their life with us being our companion and dogs always want to please us. My dog follows me everywhere and I don’t seem to be able to escape her. However, I like having a pet want to be around me, she keeps me calm and helps me when PTSD, depression, or anxiety hits.

I have always been around pets, my parents always had them around. My mom was an avid cat lover while my father loved both cats and dogs.

Dogs have the innate ability to understand many words that we say and even more importantly they are in tune with the tone our voice, our behaviors, and can sense our moods. Therefore hospitals, VA hospitals, rehabilitation centers, some prisons, and assisted living homes plans have dogs and sometimes cats come to comfort the people in the facilities. The fact that they can help with moods and can increase happiness, and mental and physical health.

Outside of a typical cat or dog there are other animals and people that find them as their comfort. Now we can’t have an elephant in our back yard but if you go to Thailand you can enjoy their connection and empathy they have with humans. Outside of a large animal such as an elephant some animals people have in their homes are horses, pigs, reptiles, and pretty much any other domesticated animal. It is amazing that people can be closer to an animal than they can to another human.  

Helpguide.org talks about why these animals make such an impact on our lives.

Studies have found that:

•Pet owners are less likely to suffer from depression than those without pets.

•People with pets have lower blood pressure in stressful situations than those without pets. One study even found that when people with borderline hypertension adopted dogs from a shelter, their blood pressure declined significantly within five months.

•Playing with a dog or cat can elevate levels of serotonin and dopamine, which calm and relax.

•Pet owners have lower triglyceride and cholesterol levels (indicators of heart disease) than those without pets.

•Heart attack patients with pets survive longer than those without.

•Pet owners over age 65 make 30 percent fewer visits to their doctors than those without pets.

•While people with pets often experience the greatest health benefits, a pet doesn’t necessarily have to be a dog or a cat. Even watching fish in an aquarium can help reduce muscle tension and lower pulse rate.

One of the reasons for these therapeutic effects is that pets fulfill the basic human need for touch. Even hardened criminals in prison show long-term changes in their behavior after interacting with pets, many of them experiencing mutual affection for the first time. Stroking, hugging, or otherwise touching a loving animal can rapidly calm and soothe you when you’re stressed or anxious. The companionship of a pet can also ease loneliness, and most dogs are a great stimulus for healthy exercise, which can substantially boost your mood and ease depression.

No matter the reason we have animals it is always great to see faces of others snuggling up to a furry, and sometimes not furry, pet. Nia is my furry friend and I believe if you have a pet you can be less stressed and help with your mental and physical health.

Homeopathic Trends

Have you ever gone to the doctor, given a diagnosis, and sent off with a prescription? I have and each time I wonder why, there must be a new way, a different way, something that won’t cause side effects. When I was a young teen, I had several kidney infections and after multiple doctor visits my mother went to a homeopathic store and came home with a bottle of acidophilus which after a few weeks stopped the infections and created a Ph balance back in my system.

Today I learned about a technique of going barefoot to absorb the earth with the technique of Grounding.

Grounding (Earthing) is a reconnection with the Earth’s electrons has been found to promote intriguing physiological changes and subjective reports of well-being. Earthing (or grounding) refers to the discovery of benefits—including better sleep and reduced pain—from walking barefoot outside or sitting, working, or sleeping indoors connected to conductive systems that transfer the Earth’s electrons from the ground into the body (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3265077/).

With the alignments that I have had I believe that grounding can help with my fatigue, aches and pains, and overall mood. As I try this daily, I will be excited to see these changes.

On the website medicalnewstoday.com discusses how depression can be changed with herbal remedies. Depression is a serious mood disorder with symptoms that range from mild to debilitating and potentially life-threatening. Some people look to manage depression with herbal remedies, rather than with medication a doctor prescribes. The use of complementary therapies continues to gain popularity, as people look for more natural methods of managing their health. However, herbal does not always mean safe or effective, and knowing which products to choose can save a lot of time and money.

Medical News Today writes about 6 herbs that can help, with the understanding that the FDA has not recognized these herbs as approved over the drugs provided by the medical and pharmacy fields.

1. St. John’s wort

St. John’s wort is also known as Hypericum perforatum. This plant has been a common herbal mental health treatment for hundreds of years. However, people must use caution if they chose to try it as a potential treatment for depression. A 2016 systematic review found that St. John’s wort was more effective than a placebo for treating mild to moderate depression and worked almost as well as antidepressant medications. However, this review of eligible studies did not find research on the long-term effects of St. John’s wort on severe depression. The authors also advised caution against accepting the results wholesale, as the herb has adverse effects that many of the studies did not consider. St John’s wort can also interfere with the effects of antidepressant medication, meaning that it may make symptoms worse or reduce the effectiveness of conventional treatment. While St. John’s wort might help some people, it does not show consistently beneficial effects. For these reasons, people should not use St. John’s wort instead of conventional treatment. Neither should they try St. John’s wort to treat moderate to severe depression.

2. Ginseng

This supplement comes from the gnarled root of the American or Asian ginseng plant. Siberian, Asian, and Eleuthero ginseng are different plants with different active ingredients. Practitioners of Chinese medicine have used ginseng for thousands of years to help people improve mental clarity and energy and reduce the effects of stress. Some people associate these properties of ginseng with potential solutions for the low energy and motivation that can occur with depression. However, the National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health (NCCIH) advise that none of the many studies that people have conducted on ginseng have been of sufficient quality to form health recommendations.

3. Chamomile

A study in 2012 reviewed data about chamomile, which comes from the Matricaria recutita plant, and its role in helping to manage depression and anxiety. The results show that chamomile produced more significant relief from depressive symptoms than a placebo. However, further studies are necessary to confirm the health benefits of chamomile in treating depressive symptoms.

4. Lavender

Lavender oil is a popular essential oil. People typically use lavender oil for relaxation and reducing anxiety and mood disturbances. A 2013 review of various studies suggested that lavender might have significant potential in reducing anxiety and improving sleep. Lavender has mixed results in studies that assess its impact on anxiety. However, its effectiveness as a treatment for ongoing depression has little high-quality evidence in support at the current time.

5. Saffron

Some studies cite using saffron as a safe and effective measure for controlling the symptoms of depression, such as this non-systematic review from 2018. However, more research would help confirm the possible benefits of saffron for people with depression. Scientists also need to understand any possible adverse effects better.

6. SAMe

Some supplements have shown promising effects on depression symptoms. However, many investigations confirming their benefits are low quality. SAMe is short for S-adenosyl methionine. It is a synthetic form of a chemical that occurs naturally in the body. In 2016, researchers reviewed all the randomized controlled trials on record for the use of SAMe to treat depression in adults. They found no significant difference between the effects of SAMe on depression symptoms and those of a placebo. However, they also found that SAMe had about the same effectiveness as the common antidepressant’s imipramine or escitalopram. Furthermore, it was better than a placebo when the researchers mixed SAMe with selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor medications. As with many other studies into herbs and supplements, the investigations into the safety and efficacy of SAMe are of low quality. More research is necessary to determine its exact effect. People use the supplement in Europe as a prescription antidepressant. However, the FDA have not yet approved this for use in the U.S.

With the information that I have found, it is important to listen to more than one source, I would be careful of removing any prescribed medications before consulting with your physician. It is your body, and because of this you need to make choices that won’t create more problems but having a second or third opinion is a smart option.