Cheating and Allowing it Around You

Being deceitful with the person you are with and those around you doesn’t make you a good person. It doesn’t make you honest or caring. Even if you are a great person in every other way you are still are in the wrong. As for those that sit back and go along with the deceit they are just as guilty and are no better. Let me explain why this is my blog for the day.

There is someone I am close to and have known for over 25 years. This person was there to cover for my ex when he cheated on me and then tried to comfort me after the fact. Going forward I have been vocal every time this person got back together with the kids’ other parent. Then the partner they were married to, left, re married, left, and re married again. I am the type that has a low tolerance for accepting this type of behavior in front of me.

My ex allows this to happen is his home with this person and others. I don’t understand why this is okay. Why this happens to many friends and family’s homes. Why do we as people allow cheating to come into our lives and not shut it down. I might not be the one to go to the other person and say what is happening, that would be a special circumstance. However, if they try to bring it to my home or around me there would be a problem, I would absolutely say something to him/her and the other person. If my home I would have them leave, if not my home I would leave. If we accept this and tolerate this behavior these behaviors continue.

Those that cheat always have reasons, none are good enough to be acceptable. This is an issue I see more and more as I get older, not necessarily with my age but in general.

Now, some phycologists say that friends should act in a more appropriate way:

1. Listen but don’t react at first.

2. Don’t take it personally.

3. Be honest.

4. Don’t insert your own personal ideas.

5. Decide your level of involvement, then step back when needed

So the bottom line for the psychologists is to listen to the reasons, not get involved to where it takes on a life of it’s own and makes you involved to a way it hurts you and makes you a gate keeper of secrets.

Bottom line of this post, I have listened for years, it has been one way then the other. It is a broken record and if the person is so needed for a person’s body then don’t say another thing to me. I will now take it personally because I have been brought into this drama, I am completely honest, and my personal ideas keep me from going crazy. Finally, stepping out of it saves me from screaming.

Cranial Aneurysm’s?

Headache after headache and crashing wave over crashing waves, these can be a sign of a migraine or worse yet a cranial aneurysm.

This week I was put on a roller coaster of pain and I didn’t know how to jump off the boat. After the 2nd thunder clap headache in the past 6 months, with no previous history I was worried something was going wrong. I called my insurances nurse line, I would like to say don’t just go with someone over the phone, make decisions based on your symptoms.I decided I would head off to work and by the end of that day I ended up in the local emergency care hospital. This place had more than a regular urgent care, this place was able to give me a CT scan and a lumbar spinal tap. These tests determined I have a cranial aneurysm that had not burst.

With these two tests and about 8 hours later I was sent home given forms to call and make an appointment.

This in itself was a complete headache as the appointment settlers refused to make an appointment with the neurosurgeon until my documents, which I had in my hands was faxed to their office. Needless to say with the lack of sleep I decided to see my primary physician.

At this point I had 2 appointments with two different neurosurgeon all weeks later. Decided must not be that serious so off I end t to work. Work is an hour away from my home so I was met with a lot of concern from fellow employees and director. It took just 2 hours for me to realize it was a big mistake and I should have pushed harder to be seen.

I end up back on my side of town with a migraine from hell, and a packed ER. It was almost 10 hours on a bed in the hallway until I was moved to a room. A liquid dose of migraine cocktail to take the edge off. At no point was it completely gone but it helped me through the night.

The next day I was met by a renowned neurosurgeon that was brought to my city. He did an angiogram through my grown to find the aneurysm and see if it can be coiled (a technique that blocks the bubble). After the procedure I was in a lot of pain with my groin, at the point of the procedure (surgical opening). The doctor has decided that due to the location and size he was not going to coil the aneurysm but will have me seen ever 3 months to determine if it will continue to grow or if he can leave it. His main concern was a rupture.

With all of this information and my headaches still there we have chosen a regiment of medication that will eliminate most of the headache. At this point I have been told to eliminate undo stress, eat healthier, and not do any exercises that would put strain on my brain. All of this is something I should have already been doing but not worked on. Now it is a choice of life or possible death, never thought it would come down to a 3mm cranial aneurysm.

For everyone who might be going through constant headaches don’t let others determine what you feel or what you have, get more than one opinion it could be a matter of life or death.

How I Lost My Mind!

Have I lost my mind? Well that depends on who I ask. I listen to my doctors but at the same time I think many doctors want to keep you dependent on their medicines and coming in. I have one doctor I see every three months. I think it is ridiculous but of course she doesn’t, I have another 2 doctors that say every 6 months. One I went to after 2 years, of course he let me know how he felt about that, and the other one I don’t listen to everything he has to say.

That brings me to my whole point of losing my mind. I have a doctor that said I was never to run or put strain on my bones. So, what did I finally decide to do? I decided to do a 5k marathon. It was fun, a bit tough because I don’t know how to train (or want to) prior to the races. I now have set up another 5k in November and keep looking on the horizon on what else might come my way. Should be rather interesting when I go and see him next time. We must listen to a doctor from time to time, but I really think our lives are ours to live. Sometimes we can be too scared to get out there and just enjoy what you can find because of a doctor’s advice. If I fracture or break a bone, then I know that he must be right.

In the mean time I will keep looking up things that will push my limits to get out there and be happy.

GRIEF

Grief is a crazy thing. For me having lost 6 family members in 2 years and 4 of them were in the past 6 months.

Loving my adoptive parents and losing my father in April 2017 and my mother in January 2018 was a cruel joke from God and it always makes me wonder why this happens. I am getting older so I understand it happens but the pain is just as deep as if I was younger.

Then in the summer of 2018 my birth sister passed. Now it is 2019 and the last three close family members passed. In the past 6 months I lost my birth mother, birth grandmother, and birth uncle. 3 out of 4 of these family members died from cancer. Yesterday my birth father let me know my uncle has passed.

I handle grief in a very crazy rollercoaster of emotions. Working and spending days not thinking of the pain and then something simple happens and the emotions flood in. I know some people who can compartmentalize the grief while others can’t sleep or move passed the initial pain. For myself, I fall in the middle.

Some grief quotes:

1. “The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.” — Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

2. “Those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us every day…unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed, and very dear.” — Unknown

3. “In the garden of memory, in the palace of dreams…that is where you and I shall meet.” — Alice Through the Looking Glass

4. “When someone you love becomes a memory…that memory becomes a treasure.” — Unknown

“Death is a challenge. It tells us not to waste time. It tell us to tell each other right now that we love each other.” — Leo Buscaglia

Misunderstood

Do you, like myself, feel you are misunderstood? I want to use the term feel because we base this type of word through feelings not fact. I believe the way I am as a person, people at work and in my personal life don’t truly understand me. This is for family, friends, and coworkers. They might not a piece of me but about 70% of the time I am told I am one way, but I feel a different.

An example with family, is thinking I am mad about something, but I am disappointed because I am not clear, or they are not hearing me. Which really is I being not clear. Working on the way I speak toward others is a constant struggle. I guess I could say I am self-aware of how I can be or come across, but my internal struggle makes it hard for me to show others.

I get the responses of how I am not quite, how I hold a grudge, how I am vocal, and speak all the time. Reality, I try to wait to speak, I am always in my head waiting to speak after others, and I try to speak up when it comes to others or I disagree with someone. When I try to say nothing, others think I am mad or dislike someone, when I speak up people say I am impulsive or rude. At this point I am not sure how to talk about what I want or how I can speak to others without the negative results. Being self-aware doesn’t mean I have fixed the things that can help other understand where I am coming from.

Taking on leadership plan with my supervisor, listen to audio books on how to communicate, and try to change some of my behaviors can help bring others to me. I don’t think everyone needs to understand me and I need to change, I believe success is when both sides communicate better so both sides don’t feel like they are being run over.

On the website onewithnow.com there is a section on how to move past being misunderstood, these ways can work in business and personal life. How do you move past being misunderstood?

After processing my findings above, I came up with the following pointers. I hope you find them beneficial.

1. You have the right to respond but not the obligation. You always have the right to express your opinion and discuss an issue further. But only if it serves a purpose and helps you move forward. You also have the right not to engage and not respond at all.

2. Others’ views of your opinions don’t diminish your worth. You are who you are and you’re entitled to your thoughts and views. Your opinions are not who you are. They are the position you hold at this moment, which may change subsequently.

3. It’s okay to be misunderstood. The newspapers and tabloids thrive on misquoting and manipulating words. In our daily interactions, others will take what they’ll take from the conversations. There is nothing you can do about it. And if they don’t like what you have to say, so be it.

4. Feel the emotions without rationalization. As much as we’d like to think that we humans are a rational species, we are not. We’re highly emotional and a lot of what we say or do is driven by emotions. You can waste all the time in the world trying to understand why someone misconstrued what you said. In all likelihood, what you expressed triggered a defensive response in them. It has nothing to do with you. So focus on how you feel. Also, realize the more important the person to you, the higher the emotional charge. Don’t try to argue with how you feel. You may feel angry, upset, fearful, disappointed, hurt, betrayed or any other emotion. Allow—feel and then feel some more. Write about your feelings; meditate on them, or just sit quietly and allow them to go through you. Take your time—there is no shortcut for releasing your emotions.

5. Write an imaginary response. If you feel you need to express more of your thoughts and feelings write them in a letter. What would you say to the person who you feel wronged you? Write what you would want to tell them and how the interaction made you feel. There is an amazing release that comes from putting thoughts and words to paper. This is what I did and I felt much better after.

6. Sleep on it. If you decide you want to respond and you want to discuss the issue further, don’t do it right away. Think about what you want to say and maybe even draft a response as mentioned above. Give yourself a few days. You will be surprised by how fast you may cool off and change your mind. In all likelihood, you will dismiss the issue and move on. For me I decided the best approach was not to send a response. Later I talked to my friend and we never mentioned taxes. It worked out.

7. Let it go. After all is said and done, let the whole issue go. Don’t hold a grudge or keep bringing it up. You don’t want to add fuel to a fire in your heart. If the other person was not happy with your decision, it’s their problem not yours. You cannot satisfy someone who is adamant about having an argument. Do yourself a big favor and don’t engage in further discussion. Sometimes the best opinions are the ones that remain unexpressed. You know who you are and what you stand for. Instead of engaging in trying to explain and validate your opinions, move on and do something that is more meaningful to you.

Letting go is freedom. You can’t force anyone to see your point of view. However, you can drop the issue and let go. It’s always in your hands.

We each need to trust our own internal feelings but on the same token we need to step back and make sure what we say is on point. Listen more, speak less, and create an easier way to communicate. Again, I am a work in progress and no matter my age I believe I will always be a work in progress.

Single?

I have been single since 2016. I don’t think I am making the effort to fix the situation. I am not sure if I am locked down emotionally, making myself accessible to meet someone, and willing to become a couple. Living single for 3 years creates a self-sufficient person but to what extent? Is this the best way to be? I watch couples get together and fail after a year or many years. I watch the scenarios and when I start to feel I can open and start to talk with someone I can shut them down the moment I am uncomfortable or feel as though I am chasing someone. I have tried online dating and end it every time I become exhausted. Months later I tell myself try again but wonder what the reward will be and what type of effort or behavior I should have.

I had in my earlier days found myself feeling sexual and wanting to be with someone. Then I realize I don’t want to have a relationship anymore. I realize that I am not feeling up to give a relationship effort. I try but realize I am pushing the person away. I believe it is I am wanting to feel wanted not just sexual but emotionally. I feel that because I get into a relationship with sexual desire, I realize I put my feelings and heart before my head. When this is the case, most relationships, I then realize they aren’t right for me, I can’t trust them, and I had to leave the relationship.

The hardest part about this is that I leave the relationship with hurt feelings and put everything in a box. The unfortunate thing is the box doesn’t reopen and doesn’t get resolved. I have a dozen boxes in my brain that has never been resolved. I have the ability to retreat as a way to hide my feelings, whether it is happiness, sadness, or anger. I am happy unless I am treated with a lack of caring, being cheated on, or if a man tries to out power me. Sadness comes when I put in an amount of time to only become disappointed. The anger comes up when I am cheated on. That is when I end it and have a hard time letting go and move on. I think rather than trying to work out the problems.

I put a wall not as a primary solution but to not be vulnerable. It is easier to hold back and withdrawal than it is to open up and fix the relationship. It could be because my parents were married for over 60 years, or my mother not speaking to me when I got a divorce from my husband, who at the time was cheating. I don’t feel I can deal with a man, but I know that won’t work when it comes to being happy and open with another man. But I either open and find my way or not just be disappointed by a man but be disappointed by myself for not letting someone in. Bottom line, being single can be a choice but a harder choice is having faith to be with someone new and seeing where it goes.

Morning, Noon, or Night?

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Because I wake up early to get to work, I find that on weekends I tend to only sleep in for a few extra hours. By noon I am down, not asleep because I work full days but down just the same. I get home knowing bed is calling my name. Then the inevitable happens, I gain the peripheral second wind when it comes to the early weekend. As I become awake, I realize that insomnia is hitting and evening to night is in full swing.

If I was rich and didn’t work 9-5, I would have to say that nights are my go-to time. I like that fact that I can have peace after the kids go to bed and I am in a quite space. This night however, I find myself swirling in thoughts I can’t control. I am on the down swing of an infusion and realize I am exhausted not because I am on a new routine, instead it is because of another try to help my body become strong again.

Not sure what another person’s favorite time is but no matter the time frame everyone seems to be a pro morning, or pro noon, or even pro evening.  

Saturday Afternoon as a Mimi

Have you ever had the opportunity to enjoy a day at McDonalds play area? Well, let me start off by saying it is an experience I want to do maybe twice a year. Note the maybe, it is a real doubt. I watch as kids much bigger than the young ones climbing through bumping the younger ones. I bite my tongue as I don’t want to upset my grandson. However, I was watching him like a hawk ready to pounce like a lion. He goes up and down as kids running around in such a small space. It had a ripe odor of sweaty unbathed children that made me scared of him coming down with a stench of pee.

Well I had to just watch, knowing if I did say something he would cry, he is 3 after all. Not ready to understand the OCD which is his Mimi. I can’t even eat at a potluck unless I truly know you and have seen you wash your hands after you have gone to the restroom. As I digress, lets get back to the subject at hand. My grandson and McDonalds play area. As he is running around all smiles even as he gets bumped around like a ball in a pinball machine, he doesn’t seem to feel it or he doesn’t really care. I am very overprotective of my family and at some point. I settle down to just seeing a group of silly kids having a good and smelly time. I am sure that other parents and grandparents are thinking in a similar way. We all look at each other, but we don’t say anything, and for me that is unusual, but I never talk to the folks at the kid’s areas.

It took me a little over an hour to get him down and out the door. It is so funny that he is all excited when we go places but when we need to go to the store that is when he has a meltdown.

Funny thing, when we get there, he is excited because he wants cheese balls (big tub of generic “Cheetos.”   

As we went through the store all he talked about was broccoli and cheese balls. Funny kid indeed.

I love my days with my grandson; however, I do have a time limit before he tires me out. At least it wasn’t a day at Chuck e cheese. That makes for a crazy day.

Gift Drawing Coming Your Way

I love giveaways, contests, and anything that lets me try new things. I don’t think everyone feels this way but I defiantly think I will see what I can do to give a bit of happiness to my followers and to those wanting to follow me. Now comes the fun part, what to do and how to do it!

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I was sitting with a friend today who started a work from home business, she designs her own tapestries and has made a name for herself. She just fell into this by having made some for her family and friends. She then posted on Instagram what she has done. The next thing that she saw happening is one person told another and so on. For her it started as a hobby and now it is allowing her to work from home and raise her kids. I think many people are excited when they can create things for others, especially when they are the ones creating the item from scratch. She has been able to grow her base because they are one of a kind, because she has a great number of followers, and because she started out doing giveaways to help spread her gift to those around the world.

Because I am here to share my life stories and to help those with concerns, miss conceptions, and another perspective with mental and physical health. Because of this I will be giving away a surprise item (Will be shared next week). This will be for new followers, and a separate giveaway for those who are already following my blog.

Stay tuned for more details and let your friends and family know, new followers will be submitted into a gift drawing.

Trying Something New

At what point are you willing to try a new thing? I spent a weekend going over my results from the multiple doctors. Tests are coming back with possible kidney issues, possible leukemia which a sister has, and then another doctor is going to do an infusion to try and stop surgery on removing my parathyroid. It seems like a lot, but I am usually fighting back, after I get over the fact that I am not as healthy as I would like to be.

This weekend I decided to get myself a new iPhone with a fancy case. Was it worth the money, no. Do I know this, I do. The next thing I did was get sushi and cancel a gym membership I haven’t used.

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Now that part is a problem but at least I have a an elliptical and treadmill home. Next is to get on that dang thing. Today I topped it off with getting on a zoom call with over 70 people to learn about an opportunity. It seems very interesting and will write about it another time, once I try the product out. If it does what it is stating, I might have a way to help both my mood and weight issues.

I think, at least for myself, challenging me from being stagnant and boring. I am excited to meet new people and trying new things. I ordered some samples and when they get here, I will get it posted on my page going from step 1 to step 6. Hoping for positive vibes and I can share my experiences with everyone.

I will be excited for others to share everyone’s ideas of what they have tried that was beyond their original thought process.