Why Do You I Need A Living Will?

As I get through the past couple of weeks I realize that the question, “Do you have a living Will?” is probably more importance than I ever thought before. So what does this mean. I have sat down for the past 2 days looking at my finances, asset, and what I owe, and determining what needs to be done.

Having gone through my parents Will and the headaches I incured due to the way it was set up, I know it has to be based on my children and grand children. I have set up a seperate set of paperwork if I become incompacitated so that my finances are taken care of prior to my death.

I never thought I would need to write one, just like 401k, investing, and so on. Each thing as it came up I realized as time was ticking on that I was missing the mark. Well now at 54, almost 55 I realize a single mother of 3 young adults and 2 grandsons I need to secure my property and any finances for them so they don’t have a mess to clear up with the state.

I was lucky enough to get legal service with my job so I was able to do a will with them.

I am part of AARP now and I went to find more information I thought would be useful for this blog. I hope this information will help anyone recognize that no matter the age it is important to have a plan laid out for those that are left behind so that it eliminates the problems with family and the courts.

AARP:

If You Don’t Have a Will

If you die without a will (a condition called “intestate”) a probate court will appoint an administrator to direct and manage your estate. The administrator’s duties can include distributing your assets and naming guardians for your children. Be aware that the administrator is guided by local laws, not your wishes, when he or she makes decisions about your estate.

The court may require that the administrator be bonded to ensure that he or she properly performs the required duties. Your estate will pay the bonding fee, the administrator’s fees, and other legal fees.

Don’t Do It Yourself

Don’t be tempted to write your own will. To be valid, a will must comply strictly with the law in your state. The law might require that a will contain specific language, be signed in a particular way, and have a certain number of witnesses.

Only about half the states recognize homemade wills. Even in these states, your DIY will may not stand up in court if it contains language that could be easily misunderstood. If a disgruntled family member attacks your homemade will in court, he or she could have the entire document declared invalid. If this happens, the state would distribute your property as if you did not have a will.

Where Should I Keep My Will?

Generally, you don’t need to register your will. Your executor will do so with the register of wills in the county where you were living when you died. Keep your will in the same place you keep other important papers.

Be sure to choose a safe place where someone else can find the will after your death. Someone you trust should know that the will exists and where it is located.

Some people keep their wills in safe-deposit boxes. Keep in mind that if the will contains provisions which must be known immediately upon your death, a safe-deposit box may not be the best place to keep it. This is because it may be time-consuming for someone whose name is not on the safe-deposit box to gain access to it.

What Is a Self-Proving Will?

A self-proving will has, in addition to the signatures of the testator (you) and witnesses, a notary public’s affidavit attesting to the validity of all the signatures. The affidavit eliminates the need to verify the signatures at the time of probate. In most states, it is not necessary to have a self-proving will for it to be legally effective; however, it is certainly advisable.

Cheating and Allowing it Around You

Being deceitful with the person you are with and those around you doesn’t make you a good person. It doesn’t make you honest or caring. Even if you are a great person in every other way you are still are in the wrong. As for those that sit back and go along with the deceit they are just as guilty and are no better. Let me explain why this is my blog for the day.

There is someone I am close to and have known for over 25 years. This person was there to cover for my ex when he cheated on me and then tried to comfort me after the fact. Going forward I have been vocal every time this person got back together with the kids’ other parent. Then the partner they were married to, left, re married, left, and re married again. I am the type that has a low tolerance for accepting this type of behavior in front of me.

My ex allows this to happen is his home with this person and others. I don’t understand why this is okay. Why this happens to many friends and family’s homes. Why do we as people allow cheating to come into our lives and not shut it down. I might not be the one to go to the other person and say what is happening, that would be a special circumstance. However, if they try to bring it to my home or around me there would be a problem, I would absolutely say something to him/her and the other person. If my home I would have them leave, if not my home I would leave. If we accept this and tolerate this behavior these behaviors continue.

Those that cheat always have reasons, none are good enough to be acceptable. This is an issue I see more and more as I get older, not necessarily with my age but in general.

Now, some phycologists say that friends should act in a more appropriate way:

1. Listen but don’t react at first.

2. Don’t take it personally.

3. Be honest.

4. Don’t insert your own personal ideas.

5. Decide your level of involvement, then step back when needed

So the bottom line for the psychologists is to listen to the reasons, not get involved to where it takes on a life of it’s own and makes you involved to a way it hurts you and makes you a gate keeper of secrets.

Bottom line of this post, I have listened for years, it has been one way then the other. It is a broken record and if the person is so needed for a person’s body then don’t say another thing to me. I will now take it personally because I have been brought into this drama, I am completely honest, and my personal ideas keep me from going crazy. Finally, stepping out of it saves me from screaming.

Can you do things alone?

I would love to say that I am able to jump in my car head over to a restaurant eat a good meal, and then take in a good movie. Well I am not really that easy going. I find that I have issues with myself being in public where families, couples, friends all go.

When I was younger, I would look at single folks coming to functions as odd. How sad it would be to not have someone to enjoy things with. Now I am at the age of who gives a damn. I have started to see the flaws in my previous thoughts and when my friends couldn’t join me for a marathon over the weekend, I came up with reasons to get out of it. Then the day came for the race and I realized I will be alone at some point so push through it and go. I looked like a fish out of water as there were groups and some with another. Here I was looking out of place, but I push through. I had strangers take a couple of pictures so I could commemorate the event, realize I didn’t die, but thought it would have been a bit more fun with a friend or two. Next time. This is the first step to knowing I can go out and not feel so self-conscious, I will say I want to never be alone as a general choice.

Can we as humans live alone, no. Can we as humans be so needed that we can’t do one thing alone, I want to say no, I am sure some people feel this way. Let us all find a happy balance. Not being able to do things alone is as much of a problem as not wanting to be around other people. Either stance means you need to learn about yourself, how to enjoy others and yourself. I am comfortable in my own skin and being alone, I am now learning I don’t need to be with someone to go out and have fun, I don’t need to wait for another person to join me.

I will say I still enjoy company but won’t die if I do things out and about alone. I am and will always be a work in progress but in the meantime, I am going to do another 5k alone, if no one else can join. Enjoy finding your own company worth the time to work on.

Moving on After Being Attacked

Being attacked can leave many scars, both physical and mental. Everyone deals with the aftermath in different ways. After being attacked and the perpetrators thinking they left me for dead, was just the start of my trauma. I don’t know how anyone can be in control again, however I try all the time. The pattern of what happened to me happens to men, women, and children all over the world. Race, sexual orientation, social economic status, and even in a group setting don’t matter when a person is attacked.

The real concern I have is what happens after the fact. For me I would check all the windows, doors, under the bed, in the closet, and so on. I was so worried that the two me would show up again. I began to have panic attacks, that moved into PTSD, anxiety, and depression. As the progression continued my mood continued to swing. I acted out in very negative ways and became self-destructive. How is it that some people can move on and some people fall apart?

I have many years later have found my way through a counselor, doctors, and allowing myself to open up to my family and friends. It will never leave me, it has made my senses heightened with my children, probably overprotective but I just never want my kids to be beaten the way I was. I would never forgive myself as a parent and more than likely want to kill the person who would try and hurt them.

I wonder if I will always carry these feelings, if I will always be scared, and if I will ever get over my fear and PTSD. On PsychologyToday.com Some of the triggers after an attack:

Replaying the Memory. Many people find that the mind returns over and over to the upsetting memory, almost as if on a loop.

Nightmares. While the actual experience probably felt like a nightmare, it’s common for real nightmares to haunt our dreams in the aftermath of a trauma.

Flashbacks. A flashback occurs when the trauma memory gets cued and makes it feel as if the trauma is happening all over again.

Fear and Anxiety. Perhaps the most common emotional reaction to a trauma is feeling fearful and anxious.

Anger. In addition to fear and anxiety, anger is a very common reaction to trauma. We might feel anger at the person or situation responsible for our trauma.

Sadness. We often will feel sad and cry after a highly traumatic event.

Guilt. If the trauma involved someone close to us being injured or killed, we may blame ourselves and feel guilty that we didn’t somehow prevent it.

Feeling Numb. Sometimes rather than feeling strong emotions, we feel shut down emotionally, as though we’re made of wood.

Trying Not to Think About the Event. By definition, a traumatic event is not a pleasant memory, so it makes sense that we would want to avoid thinking about it.

Avoiding Things Related to the Event. Sometimes we avoid people, places, or things related to our trauma because they trigger the painful memory.

Difficulty Trusting People. When we’ve been attacked by another person, it can be hard to know whom we can trust—especially if we were caught off guard.

Believing the World Is Extremely Dangerous. Immediately after a trauma, the mind is likely to see the world as very dangerous. Whereas we might have underestimated the danger in the world before the trauma.

Blaming Yourself for the Trauma. It’s common to feel guilty after something terrible happens to you, as though you’re to blame that it happened.

It’s easy to use the advantage of hindsight to see the “mistakes” we made. In reality we almost certainly overstate our own responsibility for the traumatic event, and as a result feel unnecessary guilt.

Thinking You Should Have Handled the Trauma Differently. So many trauma survivors I’ve treated have talked about how they “should have” had a different response to the trauma,

Seeing Yourself as Weak or Inadequate. It’s not uncommon after a trauma to start to see ourselves as being “less than” in some way.

Criticizing Yourself for Reactions to the Trauma. In addition to beating ourselves up for having experienced the trauma, we might also be upset with ourselves for being upset.

Feeling Constantly On Guard. When the nervous system has had a terrifying shock, it doesn’t immediately settle down.

Seeing Danger Everywhere. When your nervous system is highly attuned for danger, it’s going to be set to detect any possible threat, which probably means you’ll have a lot of false alarms.

Being Easily Startled. A nervous system temporarily stuck in the “high” setting is going to be easily startled by things like a slamming door.

Difficulty Sleeping. Sleep is a vulnerable state, and when the brain and body are revved up, we’re likely to have a hard time sleeping.

Loss of Interest in Sex.​ As with sleep, the brain may be inclined to avoid sexual activity following a trauma.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-act-be/201609/21-common-reactions-trauma

Cigna gives ways a person can support their natural resilience to help the healing process, even if a person can’t forget the pain, mental and physical, you can help work through some of the trauma a person sustains:

Allow your feelings. Don’t try to ignore or deny them. You may feel grief, anger, anxiety, exhaustion, or something else. You may just feel numb. These are all normal reactions.

Balance your thoughts. When feeling overwhelmed by tragic events, it’s easy to forget the good in the world.

Minimize your exposure to news media. Once you have the facts, it’s a good idea to limit watching replays of the events.

Focus on what you do have control over. The images we see, the stories we hear, and our own thoughts about what happened can increase our anxiety.

Turn to others for support. Being alone with your thoughts and emotions means there is no other voice in the conversation. Others offer different perspectives, while giving you a chance to talk about how you feel.

Tap into your compassion. Reaching out and supporting others can shift your mental and emotional focus.

Understand what is being done to protect your community. The more you know about what has happened, the more effective steps you can take to minimize your risk and increase your sense of safety.

Move from fear to awareness. Being constantly fearful is not helpful. It can limit awareness. Awareness – paying attention to your surroundings and noticing anything unusual about people and their behavior – is helpful.

Maintain a normal routine and lifestyle as much as possible. When an attack occurs, life can feel chaotic in many ways.

Feeling physically strong can help you feel emotionally strong. Make sure you get enough sleep to feel well rested. Eat a healthy diet. Exercise and being physically active can reduce stress. Avoid overuse of alcohol and/or substances.

Give yourself a break. It may be hard to focus and concentrate at times after a traumatic event. Your energy level may be low.

Try relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or meditation, when emotions run high. Even taking a short time-out to bring your thoughts to the here and now can help.

https://www.cigna.com/individuals-families/health-wellness/managing-distress-after-violence

What About Paying it Forward?

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Have any of you “paid it forward”? Has anyone been a recipient of “pay it forward”? I don’t think a person should brag and tell everyone what they have done for another. The quote by Aldo Leapold states: Ethical behavior is doing the right thing when no one else is watching.  I have this up at work because it reminds me to be kind, which those that know me know I can be caring but sometimes my kindness is a bit too rough. Giving can be seen through a gesture, volunteering for those in need or animals and people in danger. Having a kind word or conversation with a stranger, friend or coworker because you never know what they are going through.

It seems to be much easier to put blinders on and act like we don’t know or see someone else in pain, fear, or need. I challenge others and myself to take time to notice those around us; people and animals alike,

I have found some words of wisdom, hope, and inspiration that gets me through the day. I hope it spreads a bit of cheer to those reading my post tonight.

“People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it.” –Simon Sinek

“Gardening is the most therapeutic and defiant act you can do, especially in the inner city. Plus, you get strawberries.” –Ron Finley

“The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.” — Winston Churchill

“The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.” — Nicolas Chamfort

“Because it proves that you don’t need much to change the entire world for the better. You can start with the most ordinary ingredients. You can start with the world you’ve got.” — Catherine Ryan Hyde

“A purposeful act or extension of kindness to another is never wasted, for it always resides in the hearts of all involved in a chain of love.” — Molly Friedenfeld

I hope I have helped find a way to escape the sadness, to find a way to be kind, or even understand why you or another pays it forward.

Trying to Avoid My Doctors!

I have tried to avoid my doctors for several months, even though I hadn’t had my thyroid medicine the past few weeks and realize after having labored breathing I must get in. Taking the day off I was on the West side of Phoenix at 9 am. At this my Doctor was unhappy with my blood pressure, which was in the hypertension range, going from low blood pressure. My next jump was across town an hour away to get labs done prior to an endocrinologist. The next jump was back to the West side to get x-rays of my chest.

At the end of the movement I was a bit over it all but know that the next appointment, which is next week and week after, is just a small price to pay.

Anyone who wants to avoid your doctors after the age of 50 should reconsider. Because you will get talk to very matter-of-a-fact and realize you have done more harm than if you would have just made the original appointments.

Creating Joy in the Workplace

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At my current employer I have a group of 7 that I lead. This means that I help, train, guide, coach, and be a cheerleader for them. I am very happy to have my career and even happier to have those that are willing to give me their best day in and day out. As with most organizations grow and transform, we are asked to transform and bend. This is how companies survive market trends and changes that are created around the world. My team, even when I push, have been willing to grow.

Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

I was excited that I was able to hold a team huddle to express how they are doing, how excited I am to see their growth, and just how grateful I am to be apart of the transition.  They were able to do more than the previous weeks and it was showing. When the Director was walking by and I explained how excited I was for my team and she was just as excited. We will continue to show our commitment and it can get so much better. .

When employees hear do this and do that on a regular basis and not understanding the reasons it can feel disheartening, even thought that is not what the leaders are trying to do or show. We can as leaders have so much on our plates we can get lost in the weeds and the people we work with can become exhausted and less than. I believe it is important to thank those you are demanding so much from. As the team lead, I can do a small amount and our management teams acknowledgement goes much further.

No matter where you in your career, no matter where you are in your personal life, giving back to those around you with kind words and gestures can go so far and do so much for everyone.

It has taken me a long time to find a way to work with different personalities and at the end of each day know we have taken steps forward to create a stronger team.

Damn this Thyroid of Mine!

Up until I was in my late 40’s I was considered to have hyperthyroidism, however, I am now dealing with hypothyroidism. I have medication that I have to take. The problem is I don’t go to the doctors like I should. I must now get a doctor appointment to refill my prescription and anyone that knows me understands that I do not like the doctors. I have had to see them more than not through out my life. I will say I am making an appointment because now I am exhausted to just be up. Having a pacemaker because my heart rates drops to the low 30’s with a very low blood pressure I am just setting myself up to be back in the hospital. If anyone has noticed throughout my posts, I am very hardheaded and want to do what I want to do on my time. Which includes making decisions with my body, even as it fights back.

Let me talk about the differences first.

With hyperthyroidism you can have shaky fingers when extended, warm and moist skin, overactive reflexes, and eye concerns.

Based on Endocrinweb.com, some of the common tests used to diagnose hyperthyroidism

•Thyroid-stimulating hormone (TSH) produced by the pituitary will be decreased in hyperthyroidism..

•Thyroid hormones themselves (T3, T4) will be increased.

•Iodine thyroid scan will show if the cause is a single nodule or the whole gland.

With hypothyroidism you can be lethargic, can’t lose, weight, have cold feet and hands, and have mood issues.

Based on Mayoclinic.org, Hypothyroidism signs and symptoms may include: •Fatigue

•Increased sensitivity to cold

•Constipation

•Dry skin

•Weight gain

•Puffy face

•Hoarseness

•Muscle weakness

The biggest issue is to have either hyper or hypothyroidism. With out taking the right precautions and dependent on the TH levels you could become sick or more importantly effect other parts of your body. It is amazing that such a small gland within your throat can affect your heart, eyes, brain, and many other areas.

I have given a small rundown of why I am talking about thyroid issues, some things that happen and what to look for, if you want to make an appointment you can always try (in some US states and I am not sure Internationally) your local doctor, the Mayo clinic and Kaiser Permanente. With international people viewing this post, check with a local doctor. Remember there are always similar signs that might lead to something else or absolutely nothing.

I can only suggest having yourself diagnosed. Now, I get to crash because staying awake is just too difficult with my thyroid being out of whack. I will post when I get the medication. Actually, I am sure everyone will know because I will be posting some upbeat information and thoughts.

Having Words of Encouragement Through Menem’s

Do you ever find yourself searching the internet for truth, help, encouragement? I completely understand this, we seems to be a world of quick fixes. I think this blog will be pictures of meme’s that I have sent to others and I have kept for the pick-me-up I need every once in awhile. Making my Sunday a sharing fun day.   

Creating a life of joy

Feelings can be a fickle thing, boy oh boy mine make it a habit to be as fickle as they come. I mean really I laugh at the silliest things that others raise an eyebrow. I mean watch out if I trip over the carpet I might pee my pants but tell a joke that others are laughing hysterically, probably won’t hear a chuckle. The joy I create is a bit of the odd duck syndrome. Loving my differences takes a lot but it is my joy

I am trying to achieve. I think letting another decide my joy and when I should bust a gut just isn’t going to ever be me. Is it my past? Could it be my life’s trials and tribulations? Naw, it is because I have never been a person that fits into the box. If I don’t challenge the status quo I wouldn’t be me. Creating my joy is just that my joy! I say be who you want to be… wear those polka-a-dotted rain boots and run throttle puddles, it’s okay to be a bit goofy, crazy, and funny!